I wish I understood Infertility....

So.. after everything we've been through we decided to give it another shot! Despite numerous people telling us to wait and maybe it will happen on our own since I was pregnant maybe it changed my body... oh.. if they only understood Infertility....

After talking with Dr. Brabec, She was so excited we decided not to give up... and was anxious to start again... We decided once my next cycle started we would go for it! Well it didn't start so, on April 7-2013 I started a few meds that jumped started my cycle and we were on our way to our FET cycle ( Frozen Embryo Transfer) started all the drugs again and scans /bloodwork.

On May 14-2013 I went in for blood work and WOO-hoo it was where it was scheduled to be.. so we then had an appointment on 5-28-2013 for a scan to make sure my lining was good and that everything else looked good, more blood work and it looked good. :-) So far everything has been going great.. nothing like last time.. only reaction I had was one of the meds was making me nauseated the first two weeks.. but I'll take Nausea over what I went through any day! Then I had to start Vivelle patches ( estrogen)  We learned in my extensive stay at the hospital I'm allergic to the adhesive on bandages, and apparently the Vivelle is the same thing... so my stomach was starting to look like I was burning it. Luckily, they recently came out with Mini Vivelle and for some reason, it just leaves a small red mark but nothing compared to the regular Vivelle. Hey I had to have something happen during this.. we  all Know Nick and I can't do anything easy :-) LOL

So June 3-2013, we were scheduled to put back 2 of our 4 Frozen Embryos.. as long as they survived the Thaw... 90% of eggs survive according to Dr. Brabec. If you can imagine that morning..how nervous I was when my cell rang and it was there number.. I thought Oh god.. please let them have survived... and YES YES they did!!  So we headed that way and started the procedure... we finished up at 11:11-- Ironically that's Nick and I's lucky number... we will find out on 6-11 if it worked... which is Nick's birthday! and we will be due February 24-2014, My Grandma Briseno and My Grandpa Riggs Birthday and also the weekend we lost our twins :-( Bittersweet but so many signs, I just can't help but be positive!!

We chose this time to keep this a complete secret!! Only Nick and I, Dr. Brabec and Staff, our Pastor and one of my Dear Dear friends whom has gone through this to the same degree if not worse than I have. I am so blessed God brought her in my life, I will never be able to repay her for being my " go to " person during these last few weeks and keeping my secret.  We hope no ones feelings are hurt, but we had to do it this way.. it was WAY to much on us , especially me last time with so many people knowing. 

June-11-2013
We are completely heartbroken right now... we just got the call that it did not work :-( My heart hurts so much right now... 

So for now this is the temporary end of the road... I know we have 2 frozen eggs left... however we have no Fertility Insurance money left and we have exhausted all of our savings accounts.  A FET cycle costs anywhere from $3,000-5,000. We've spent over $30,000 in 7 years... We have thought about adoption.. but it is very costly and I want a baby which are very hard to get in the United States. If it were easy and cheap I would do it in a heartbeat!  We thought about Fostering.. but Nick said and I agree.. He doesn't think my heart could handle a child being brought into our home and then getting  attached and then taken away.. 

So until we can build up our savings again... and our hearts heal... I think we are just going to enjoy life..

I wanted to share this, because I know I've seemed a little off lately and probably not the friendliest person to people. 

Love, 
Angie