Hello everyone... so it's been awhile, I'm sure you all have been on your toes wondering what's going on....
Let me first start off by saying, If you have an issue with me writing this blog, please keep it to yourself.
When you talk to others it does come back to me, and quite frankly until you've spent 7 years of heartache and over $40,000, I really don't feel you have the right to judge how I deal with the pain. Nick is fully aware of this blog and knows everything that is put in it. This is how I deal with MY heartache and pain, if you don't like it, don't read it.
I guess I look at is as I do alot of things, A very dear friend of mine once told me, " Is it wrong, or is it just different than how I would do it" I use that motto almost everyday. I also feel if I can help just ONE person deal with their infertility, then it's worth EVERY minute I spend on this blog.
Moving on...
So we had a visit with Dr. Brabec after our second failed Frozen IVF cycle. We wanted to make sure we were doing everything in our power to make sure our final round went well. After talking with Dr. Brabec, we decided to go ahead and do another round, she decided to do a blood test, to see if there is a reason to why I'm miscarrying or if it's just because. She really wanted us to do this, but it can be costly, the test is $1,000 and not all insurance companies cover it. She said this test will also help her to see if there is a reason to why I may be miscarrying she can give me different / more / less drugs. So we went ahead and had the labs drawn... 13 vials later... and our insurance covered everything but $200 Woo-Hoo.. this is what we learned.
All my labs came back normal, so with that we've learned
1. I CAN get pregnant
2. There is no reason I can't carry a child / children
Now it's just getting there. Don't get me wrong, I am happy about it and it was worth the $$ for peace of mind, but I just wish we knew 100% that it was going to work. So to date we have literally had every single test done on both of us, except DNA / Egg testing, which we opted out of, we would have had to of done that when we retrieved the eggs, which would have been an additional $7,000. And that test would tell us if Nick and I's DNA reject each other. I'm assuming not since we were pregnant once and I really want to think that the reason it did not work is because of all the stress my body was under while I was in the hospital.
So we proceeded to start another and final IVF round. Everything went SUPER smooth, easy no problems at all! A little nausea here and there and some crankiness.. but Nick survived LOL
All went amazing.. we were on schedule to put them back in September 30th, if you don't know how a frozen cycle works, on a frozen cycle they thaw your eggs that morning and you have to wait for a call to tell you if they survived or not... can you say NERVE racking!! you watch your phone like it's GOLD!! And then one of your sweet friends calls you literally minutes before they call you to see if you've heard yet and you about pee your pants... LOL Love her though!!
We got the call they survived!! Yahoo... so at 11am our final two eggs were put in and everything went so good and so smooth!! I can't even begin to express how amazing Dr. Brabec, the nurse and embryologist were!! So then it was home to rest for the next few days... until October 8th, when we go in for blood work to see if it worked or not.
7:45am october 8-2013 getting blood drawn and then more waiting for the phone call... IT'S TORTURE I TELL YOU!!
Finally at 12:30 we found out that my levels were at 4.6 and to be pregnant they need to be at 5 or above.. really above if you want to be accurate.. so she wanted me to stay on my meds and test again on October 10th to make sure..
October 10-2013...
So here is how today has gone for us:
So on edge today... but we have somewhat good news.. levels rose to a 6, which is good but not where they want them still, So as or fright now we have them baffled. As I said the other day we can't do anything easy! Keep those prayers coming they are working!!! They are supposed to call us back and decide where we go from here. I've been doing alot of research and it's not uncommon for IVF patients levels to rise slowly. Keeping the faith and trusting God has this!!
Well Dr. Brabec had us come in and do a sonogram today 10-10-13 and everything looked great!! So they are still somewhat baffled and we are going to continue meds and re-check my levels on Monday 10-14-2013
As of right now she is stating it could be one of 3 things:
1- I was pregnant and my levels just haven't dropped yet
2.- it is a an Etopic pregnancy (i.e. tubal pregnancy)
3. - I am in fact still pregnant
Praying it's number 3... Here's to another 4 days of wondering...
Well here we are Monday 10-14-2013
Our awesome Chiefs won 6-0 Baby!!! And we beat the world record for LOUDEST Stadium!! And Nick and I were a part of that record :-)
Had my blood drawn at 7:45am...
Got the call at 10:30 and It breaks Nick and I's heart to tell you that my levels significantly dropped. Which means I was pregnant, but they did not survive.
Where to go from here... not sure.. another IVF would mean starting fresh again.. and two things.. the fear of going through the whole Hospital thing again... and another $16,000 of which we just don't have. Adoption: $15,000-40,000 again we don't have that... we are just spent financially and emotionally.. So I guess for now we are going to take things one day at a time and pray God leads us to where we are supposed to be.... I'm sure some of you are saying how can you stay so calm.. trust me.. I want to scream at God and ask him why.. why us... Why can the druggie down the street keep getting pregnant and having abortions.. or the teenage girl that Oops got pregnant... I don't get it.. but it's not my place to get... As I said to friends and family the other day... God only gives you what he thinks you can handle.... Well dang it I wish he would quit thinking so Highly of Nick and I.. because I'm not sure how much more "we" can handle... So if I break down on you in the next few weeks.. I apologize...
Thank you to all of our friends and family that have given us continuous Love and support... we are forever grateful for you.
