10-7-2012
So after this last week and about choking a few people LOL I felt the need to tell Nick and I's story or more so educate people to keep them from saying the wrong thing to someone with Infertility.
Please also feel free to share with others that may be going through this.
Nick and I's story began in August 2006 when we decided to start trying to have a baby, I got off the pill and we began our journey, not knowing what we were in for.
I had one cycle in August, another in Late November. In January I was having lots of stomach issues, turned out it was acid reflux, however spoke to my regular Dr. about it and she ran lots and lots of tests (Dr. Smith is amazing!!) After she ran tons of tests she said I've done what I can, you need to see an OB, I didn't have one, she recommended Dr. Vandenboom in Lee's Summit, and a friend also recommended him. LOVE him, how many OB's spend 45 minutes with you on your first visit! I'm sure there were a few people in the waiting room cussing me Anyways, We did a couple of rounds of cholmid and another new drug I don't remember and he then said I want to refer you to another OB whom is very good with this. So I went to this OB, he in turn referred me to a Endocrinologist, At that point we did lots of different kinds of sonograms, I had my tubes flushed, I had pretty much every thing done with this Dr. and so we tried another round of Cholmid with him, this time a higher dose. When that round failed they referred us onto see a Fertility Dr. At that point we found out that Nick's company would be closing their doors and his last day would be March 1-2007 But received a severance package that allowed him to take his time find the right job, So we put things off until Nick started his new job. I did my research and we went to see Dr. Lyles in late Fall of 2007. For probably the first month or so he re-ran most if not all tests that I had already done, he wanted to try one more round of Cholmid with Metformin (anyone that has ever tried Metformin knows how horrible this Big pill can be, but I lost alot of weight on it LOL). = Fail. So we moved onto trying IUI's which is where they take the sperm and insert it right around the time they think you will be ovulating... lots of visits and drugs and shots!! Which if you know me I'm not a needle person. It was like a science project, mixing and making sure you took the shots at the right time. I remember one time Nick was out of town and a friend came over to give me a shot, and it spilled I thought I was going to die.. luckily we had another one in the fridge! We did two rounds and both failed. He said okay lets try another round with increased drugs, again failed. So we began some more testing and researching by this time it was summer 2008 and I told Nick I wanted a small summer break from it all and we would revisit in Fall. At that point, I was laid off from my job...it was like we could never get a break! So we put it off awhile longer in 2009 we went back to see Dr. Lyles more drugs / testing / IUI's and heartache, one of the last two visits with him, he was just mean and heartless I left crying and told Nick I was never going back to him. At this point everything possible on both of us had been tested, Nick's repeatedly always came back fine, and the only thing they could ever come up with is that I had irregular cycles / Non-exsistant.
So after this last week and about choking a few people LOL I felt the need to tell Nick and I's story or more so educate people to keep them from saying the wrong thing to someone with Infertility.
Please also feel free to share with others that may be going through this.
Nick and I's story began in August 2006 when we decided to start trying to have a baby, I got off the pill and we began our journey, not knowing what we were in for.
I had one cycle in August, another in Late November. In January I was having lots of stomach issues, turned out it was acid reflux, however spoke to my regular Dr. about it and she ran lots and lots of tests (Dr. Smith is amazing!!) After she ran tons of tests she said I've done what I can, you need to see an OB, I didn't have one, she recommended Dr. Vandenboom in Lee's Summit, and a friend also recommended him. LOVE him, how many OB's spend 45 minutes with you on your first visit! I'm sure there were a few people in the waiting room cussing me Anyways, We did a couple of rounds of cholmid and another new drug I don't remember and he then said I want to refer you to another OB whom is very good with this. So I went to this OB, he in turn referred me to a Endocrinologist, At that point we did lots of different kinds of sonograms, I had my tubes flushed, I had pretty much every thing done with this Dr. and so we tried another round of Cholmid with him, this time a higher dose. When that round failed they referred us onto see a Fertility Dr. At that point we found out that Nick's company would be closing their doors and his last day would be March 1-2007 But received a severance package that allowed him to take his time find the right job, So we put things off until Nick started his new job. I did my research and we went to see Dr. Lyles in late Fall of 2007. For probably the first month or so he re-ran most if not all tests that I had already done, he wanted to try one more round of Cholmid with Metformin (anyone that has ever tried Metformin knows how horrible this Big pill can be, but I lost alot of weight on it LOL). = Fail. So we moved onto trying IUI's which is where they take the sperm and insert it right around the time they think you will be ovulating... lots of visits and drugs and shots!! Which if you know me I'm not a needle person. It was like a science project, mixing and making sure you took the shots at the right time. I remember one time Nick was out of town and a friend came over to give me a shot, and it spilled I thought I was going to die.. luckily we had another one in the fridge! We did two rounds and both failed. He said okay lets try another round with increased drugs, again failed. So we began some more testing and researching by this time it was summer 2008 and I told Nick I wanted a small summer break from it all and we would revisit in Fall. At that point, I was laid off from my job...it was like we could never get a break! So we put it off awhile longer in 2009 we went back to see Dr. Lyles more drugs / testing / IUI's and heartache, one of the last two visits with him, he was just mean and heartless I left crying and told Nick I was never going back to him. At this point everything possible on both of us had been tested, Nick's repeatedly always came back fine, and the only thing they could ever come up with is that I had irregular cycles / Non-exsistant.
That summer I decided to seek another fertility Dr. We went to see Dr. Stewart, Nick and I fell in LOVE he was amazing! However his hours did not work for us considering he was all the way in Shawnee and I had started a new job. So once again we put it on the back burner. In 2010 I started seeking alternative options, I did Infertility Massages, acupuncture, Chiropractic, herbs you name it I probably tried it! Keep in mind my cycles were very few to non-exsistant! So we decided to go back to Dr. Lyles office January 2011, because his office was the only one that the hours worked for me, only to find he was gone, he had retired and Dr. Ryan Riggs took his place. (Most of you know Riggs is my maiden name) So Nick and I took it as a sign He re-ran more tests did more IUI's he actually was making progress with me, but would not increase my drugs due to the fact that I'm next generation for twins and some other tests he had ran, he said he was not going to be creating another John & Kate plus 8! Don't blame him I didn't want that either He said our next venture is IVF, $$$$$$$, They informed me they are not sure what the deal is, I have PLENTY of eggs everything looked healthy, but for some reason they were not dropping therefore they were dying? I told Nick I just don't feel like IVF is it yet, So we made a deal we would give it 6 more months of trying other things and another round of IUI if that didn't work we would do IVF. Spring 2011, Nick and I found KCIA- Kansas City Infertility Awareness www.
I then found this amazing amazing Job I'm at now, I started March 2012 and I LOVE it here! Anyways, I always brag about Dr. B, and I don't brag because I work here, I brag because he's good at what he does! I informed him that Nick and I had been trying for awhile. Before he even had hired me, I told him Nick and I were planning to do our very first round of IVF in May. So before he even adjusted me, he did Xrays and found that my hips were WAY uneven and my tailbone was off. He informed me that when your tailbone is off, it can cause every organ down there to be off. He said more than likely my tubes looked like a roller coaster, which would probably explain why none of my eggs were not dropping. He then asked if Nick and I would be willing to give him 3-4 months of adjustments. I looked at Nick and said what's another 3-4 months. So we said okay. Well we started the beginning of May, Keep in mind I had not had a cycle since November 2011, and I have been off of ALL drugs since May 2011. By June, I had a cycle, July I had a cycle and in August I should have had one, but our dog was diagnosed with Cancer and we had to put Elvis down at the end of August, I therefore started 2 weeks later than I had been, but hey at least I had a cycle. This one lasted a little longer almost 2 weeks! So we are now just crossing our fingers Either way, I’ve told Nick we would move to IVF if we do not conceive on our own And if for some reason that does not work because IVF is 50/50 chance, we will adopt, there are many children out there that need a home. We actually talked about adopting either way.
Adding to my story... December 27-2012
Well, I had a cycle in September, and October.. so we decided to make an appointment with the Fertility Dr....We officially started our very first IVF Cycle December 21st, we went to our first IVF consult November 20th with Dr. Celeste Brabec, in Overland Park. We fell in LOVE with her, she's so nice, and sympathetic and knowledgeable, She had even pretty much memorized my chart (7 years.. that's pretty impressive!) and informed Nick and I of things we never had been told.
She discovered I have a mild case of PCOS: Poly Cystic Ovarian Syndrome:
Here are all the symptoms:
1. Infertility (not able to get pregnant) because of not ovulating. In fact, PCOS is the most common cause of female infertility.
2. Infrequent, absent, and/or irregular menstrual periods
3. Hirsutism (HER-suh-tiz-um) — increased hair growth on the face, chest, stomach, back, thumbs, or toes
4. Cysts on the ovaries
5. Acne, oily skin, or dandruff
6. Weight gain or obesity, usually with extra weight around the waist
7. Male-pattern baldness or thinning hair
8. Patches of skin on the neck, arms, breasts, or thighs that are thick and dark brown or black
9. Skin tags — excess flaps of skin in the armpits or neck area
10. Pelvic pain
11. Anxiety or depression
12. Sleep apnea — when breathing stops for short periods of time while asleep
13. High Cholesterol
14. High Blood Pressure
15. Diabetes, elevated insulin levels, or insulin resistance.
I have #’s 1, 2 and 5, since there are so few, that is why I’m considered a Mild case. I am at risk for # 15 because there are so many people on my moms side of the family with Diabetes, however I’m tested every year.
Well, I had a cycle in September, and October.. so we decided to make an appointment with the Fertility Dr....We officially started our very first IVF Cycle December 21st, we went to our first IVF consult November 20th with Dr. Celeste Brabec, in Overland Park. We fell in LOVE with her, she's so nice, and sympathetic and knowledgeable, She had even pretty much memorized my chart (7 years.. that's pretty impressive!) and informed Nick and I of things we never had been told.
She discovered I have a mild case of PCOS: Poly Cystic Ovarian Syndrome:
Here are all the symptoms:
1. Infertility (not able to get pregnant) because of not ovulating. In fact, PCOS is the most common cause of female infertility.
2. Infrequent, absent, and/or irregular menstrual periods
3. Hirsutism (HER-suh-tiz-um) — increased hair growth on the face, chest, stomach, back, thumbs, or toes
4. Cysts on the ovaries
5. Acne, oily skin, or dandruff
6. Weight gain or obesity, usually with extra weight around the waist
7. Male-pattern baldness or thinning hair
8. Patches of skin on the neck, arms, breasts, or thighs that are thick and dark brown or black
9. Skin tags — excess flaps of skin in the armpits or neck area
10. Pelvic pain
11. Anxiety or depression
12. Sleep apnea — when breathing stops for short periods of time while asleep
13. High Cholesterol
14. High Blood Pressure
15. Diabetes, elevated insulin levels, or insulin resistance.
I have #’s 1, 2 and 5, since there are so few, that is why I’m considered a Mild case. I am at risk for # 15 because there are so many people on my moms side of the family with Diabetes, however I’m tested every year.
She also found
something interesting.. When she was doing one of my trial runs before
she retrieved the eggs, she noticed I had lots of scar tissue inside
down there. She asked me if I had any procedures. Until Nick mentioned
it, I had forgotten that when I was 21 I had an abnormal pap. My Dr.
back then talked me into having a Procedure to scrape the inside to get
rid of any abnormal cells. Dr. Brabec didn’t come out and say it, but in
a round about way, said this was a portion of my fertility problems… So
I went home and Googled and Googled and come to find out, that abnormal
Paps in women under the age of 25 are 9 times out of 10 are FALSE!!!!
If you have an abnormal pap under the age of 25 they suggest to get at
least a second opinion if not third opinion. If you let a Dr. do this
procedure and the Dr. does not know what they are doing, they can cause a
lot of scar tissue, which can cause infertility. I wish Google was
popular 12-13 years ago.. I would have NEVER let her do it.
So… going on with my story…
After 4 hours... 13 vials of blood for me and 3 vials of blood for Nick, numerous sonograms we concluded as soon as my next cycle started we would start the process as long as all of our blood-work came back normal. Everything came back normal except I was very deficient in Vitamin D, Easy fix As one of my girlfriends that has gone through this also said... LOVE when it's an easy fix! Both Nick and I's DNA tests came back fine and we paid extra to have our Chromosomes tested.. Both of our Chromosome test came back fine. You'll be glad to know we can't pass on the Maple Syrup disease..it's a real disease too.. who knew. They tested us for over 400 diseases, Most of which I had never heard of. Neither one of us have AIDS, HIV or anything else LOL (Hey we have to have something to laugh at during this lol) We had our first appointment 12/26 (of about 10 in the next 4-6 weeks), did more sonograms everything looks great, so far. The poor nurse that Dr. Brabec was training bless her heart.. she was trying to keep me covered and worried about me.. I told her it's okay, by the time you've been through what I've been through, there is not much you are modest about at these appointments LOL Found out a few more things that No Dr. has ever told us. But according to Dr. Brabec it's all good So We are keeping the faith, keeping our chins up and taking one day at a time... I will apologize in advance if I ever come across mean, bitchy or not nice... According to Dr. Brabec, I will have about 6 times the amount of Hormones of a normal woman in the next 4-6 weeks.
As long as all goes well, we should know if We will have a Baby on the way by Valentines day YEA!!
After 4 hours... 13 vials of blood for me and 3 vials of blood for Nick, numerous sonograms we concluded as soon as my next cycle started we would start the process as long as all of our blood-work came back normal. Everything came back normal except I was very deficient in Vitamin D, Easy fix As one of my girlfriends that has gone through this also said... LOVE when it's an easy fix! Both Nick and I's DNA tests came back fine and we paid extra to have our Chromosomes tested.. Both of our Chromosome test came back fine. You'll be glad to know we can't pass on the Maple Syrup disease..it's a real disease too.. who knew. They tested us for over 400 diseases, Most of which I had never heard of. Neither one of us have AIDS, HIV or anything else LOL (Hey we have to have something to laugh at during this lol) We had our first appointment 12/26 (of about 10 in the next 4-6 weeks), did more sonograms everything looks great, so far. The poor nurse that Dr. Brabec was training bless her heart.. she was trying to keep me covered and worried about me.. I told her it's okay, by the time you've been through what I've been through, there is not much you are modest about at these appointments LOL Found out a few more things that No Dr. has ever told us. But according to Dr. Brabec it's all good So We are keeping the faith, keeping our chins up and taking one day at a time... I will apologize in advance if I ever come across mean, bitchy or not nice... According to Dr. Brabec, I will have about 6 times the amount of Hormones of a normal woman in the next 4-6 weeks.
As long as all goes well, we should know if We will have a Baby on the way by Valentines day YEA!!
January 4-2013
All my drugs arrived today, Dear lord... if you could see all the shots / pills / etc.
Bless Nick's heart he gave me my shots every day sometimes twice a day, we had it down to a science on what needed to be mixed what time etc. I had a freezer pouch that we kept it all in if we had plans we just took it with us and when it was time sneak off, whether it be the bathroom / friends bedroom or wherever We became so quick and good at it, no one would ever even notice both of us were gone at the same time LOL
January 21-2013
So small update.. Today was not a good day..
I'll keep this short, but explain starting from last Tuesday, 1-15-13
I went in for my appt, Bloodwork / Scan, My estrogen was a little high, but other than that everything looked great, they backed me off the drugs for a few days until I went back on Friday 1-18-13. On Friday My Estrogen was in the range of where they wanted it to be, on the low side but in the range, and I had LOTS of follicles / Eggs. So they increased my meds back to what they had me on. Today 1-21-13, My scan came back the follicles / eggs were not quite the size they wanted them to be and there seemed to not be as many?? So at that point they were considering canceling the cycle, but they wanted to wait until my labs from this morning came back. Needless to say, I was an emotional wreck today and ended up taking a personal day.
Dr. Brabec called us back in this afternoon, to meet with us personally and go over options and what not. My estrogen is still on the rise, in the low range of what it should be, but still on the rise. So She is going to give us two more days, and increase my meds again, and pray that the follicles / eggs decide to cooperate and surprise us and grow alot She said if they continue to grow and my estrogen continues to rise, we'll continue. Otherwise they will cancel this cycle Dr. Brabec is so amazing, she even gave me hug before we even started our meeting today. I wish we had gone to her years ago! If there is one thing I can't stress enough GO WITH YOUR GUT!!! Nick and I have always thought that I my body is more along the lines of a 35 Day cycle instead of like most 28. If there is one thing that I LOVE about Dr. Brabec is she listens to Nick and I's thoughts / opinions / concerns and would take them into consideration.. who knows your body better than YOU! So if you don't have a Fertility Dr. that listens to you... Find another one.. I wish we would have gone to her years ago!
If she cancels this cycle, I'm not sure what we will do, I don't know that I could go through this again, this was the reason ( eggs not growing to the size they wanted) they cancelled 2 of our 4 IUI's. and after almost 7 years of disappointment, I just don't know how much more I can handle.. today I think was by far the worst I've ever been in the last 7 years. Nick has been more than amazing, and has been such a trooper through all of this and all my hormonal craziness. I just wish I understood why things happen.
Praying for a Miracle...
January 24-2013
We
have 20 little troopers ready and still growing and 5+ more that could
be potentially big enough come retrieval time. So thankful Dr. Brabec
decided to let us go a few more days! What can I say Nick and I never
can do anything easy LOL
We are waiting on
my labs to come back from today depending upon labs, they will retrieve
eggs Saturday or Sunday God is so good!!
January 27-2013
Egg Retrieval Day!!!! So the Egg retrieval went well.. Dr Brabec retrieved 18 eggs, however the following day we got a call and only 12 took to Nick's sperm. Oh and I had a SEVERE reaction to the Pain medication they put me on I was SO sick for 3 days I thought I was going to die!! We thought we were going to have to freeze the eggs and not be able to put them back in on Friday..
Egg Retrieval Day!!!! So the Egg retrieval went well.. Dr Brabec retrieved 18 eggs, however the following day we got a call and only 12 took to Nick's sperm. Oh and I had a SEVERE reaction to the Pain medication they put me on I was SO sick for 3 days I thought I was going to die!! We thought we were going to have to freeze the eggs and not be able to put them back in on Friday..
February 1-2013
Hey Everyone..2 Babies were put in at 9:15 this morning the Embryologist and Dr Brabec were very excited they said the eggs look VERY healthy and asked us multiple times if we were ok with twins before they put them back in. LOL. That's how healthy and good they looked Only 8 of the 12 eggs made it to transfer day and only 4 made it to frozen day. So we will only have 4 to freeze but that's ok Officially at home resting until Sunday . We will not know the results until February 11th... It's going to be a LONG 10 days
Hey Everyone..2 Babies were put in at 9:15 this morning the Embryologist and Dr Brabec were very excited they said the eggs look VERY healthy and asked us multiple times if we were ok with twins before they put them back in. LOL. That's how healthy and good they looked Only 8 of the 12 eggs made it to transfer day and only 4 made it to frozen day. So we will only have 4 to freeze but that's ok Officially at home resting until Sunday . We will not know the results until February 11th... It's going to be a LONG 10 days
2-18-13
Wow what a week it has been!!
I'll start from the beginning...
Saturday 2-9-13- I woke up and could not breathe, I felt like someone was stepping on my chest. I could barely scream for Nick. Dr Brabec said to go to the ER immediately. We got here around 8:30 ... Found out I had fluid not only on my lungs but in my belly. But the cool thing we found out is that IVF worked This is a reaction that about 2% of IVF patients get (lucky me). It's called OHSS Hyper-stimulation of the ovaries from all the meds I was on. They drained 1 liter off my lungs that day and between Sunday and Wednesday they drained around 11 liters off my belly. Oh, and on top of all that, the pain meds they gave me after they tapped my lungs I had a severe reaction, we figured it out that it was the pain meds, because it was the same reaction I had after Egg Retrieval. So that's when they decided to admit me. The first 24 hours was miserable couldn't keep anything down and in severe pain, I'm surprised the entire world didn't hear me I was in so much pain.. bless Nick's heart he didn't leave my side until friends and family came to relieve him to go home and sleep.
The next scare was blood clots in my lungs but the number one way to rule that out is to do a CT scan since I am pregnant Dr Brabec, Nick and I opted not to because of the radiation. So we did Sonograms on my legs because blood clots start in the legs. Luckily nothing was there
So I was doing good but until the fluid quit draining she wanted me here. So she said probably Wednesday. My IV fell out Sunday luckily they were able to get one back in. Monday pregnancy levels still on the rise I was doing good... Until Tuesday, my IV bursted my vein... 4 nurses and 7 pokes later they gave up ( This makes 9 times counting the first two IV's.. i now look like a druggie bruises and all lol) and Dr Brabec said just leave it out.. Tuesday night I started going down hill quickly it was the worst night ever.. They had also stopped all pain meds at this point. Finally Wednesday Dr Brabec said we had to try and put another IV in... Because my white cell count jumped drastically and I wasn't even able to keep water down, anything that went in, came back up within 5 minutes. However my drainage quit so they took the tube out Wednesday yea!!! Nothing though was getting better, still could not keep anything down. Wednesday and Thursday were horrible but i was pushing through making Nick walk the halls with me once an hour no matter how bad i felt. finally my nurse Thursday night suggested pain meds again, literally 15 minutes after he gave them to me I was feeling good.. Able to keep a Popsicle down slept through the night. My ovaries are still pretty enlarged and Nick and I are wondering if the pain meds are helping The dr said that a normal pregnant woman's ovaries are the size of a golf ball and mine are the size of softballs. So needless to say Wednesday and Thursday were pretty much a blur, I honestly do not remember much. Thank God for my amazing husband I can't imagine what this week did to him, not only physically, but to see me in so much pain and not be able to do anything. I'm pretty blessed!
So... Friday went well, and Saturday they released me YEA 1 week in the hospital is WAY to long. Taking some getting used to being home and trying to rest, I can't get comfortable no matter what I do. Sleeping was the hardest last night.. My back is killing me I'm assuming from sitting in one position all week in the hospital, and my right arm is very sore from babying it all week, that is where my IV was at so I had to baby it, they said if I lost that IV they would have had to put a Pick line in.. and we did not want that. So other than being sore, trying to relax which is so hard to do, we are on our way to recovery...
Good news is that my pregnancy levels are still on the rise.. In fact so much they think both eggs took yikes!! Which could also explain why all my symptoms are so intense. Today We are officially 5 weeks along And Due October 20-2013. We go back Tuesday to confirm levels are still on the rise and everything looks good. So for right now Dr.'s orders rest until Tuesday and then after that it's up to me on what I can handle.
I took a home test today 2-18-13 and it was positive.. I can barely contain myself
2-22-13
Another ER visit... they drained another 1.5 liters off my lungs today, but we found out we have TWINS!! We are 6 weeks along! They are some troopers to survive everything I've been through.
2-25-13
Nick and I's hearts are completely broken right now. The pain we have felt today I can't even explain, we found out we lost both babies.
There are so many things going through our heads, was it something we did? Did the babies get too many drugs during my stay at the hospital, was my body to weak after everything?? My body went through hell and back during that week, I'm not sure any pregnancy could have survived what I went through looking back now. We could sit here all day and wonder / blame whatever.. but it won't bring them back. I just pray they are in Gods hands now.
3-5-13
Another ER visit.. Poor Nick was out of town for work and I was in such severe pain.. I had to call my mom to take me to the ER... turns out it was a SEVERE cycle after the Miscarriage and apparently all normal after a miscarriage. Apparently they are a small resemblance to labor.. and some women get this type of cycle after a miscarriage.. HORRIBLE! If this is a glimpse of Labor.. WOW! Bless all the mothers out there.
Another ER visit.. Poor Nick was out of town for work and I was in such severe pain.. I had to call my mom to take me to the ER... turns out it was a SEVERE cycle after the Miscarriage and apparently all normal after a miscarriage. Apparently they are a small resemblance to labor.. and some women get this type of cycle after a miscarriage.. HORRIBLE! If this is a glimpse of Labor.. WOW! Bless all the mothers out there.
3-18-13
Everyday is a new day... and each day gets a little better. Not sure what route we are going to take just yet... we have 4 frozen eggs, but the fear of another failed cycle. I'm learning about melt downs and anger about all of this. I've lost 17 lbs and still haven't completely gotten my appetite back.. still somewhat have shut the world out.. which Nick is having a hard time with.. I just can't handle all the Pity looks and I'm sorry and blah blah blah stuff... although I know everyone means well, NO one will EVER understand unless you have walked a day in the shoes of someone struggling with Infertility. All the ups and Downs… the costs.. to give you a small glimpse… a IUI ( Intrauterine Insemination) cycle runs between $3,000-$5,000, a IVF (In vitro Fertilzation Cycle) runs between $14,000-$20,000 and a FET (Frozen Embryo Transfer) runs between $3,000-$5,000. In almost 7 years Nick and I have spent close to $30,000. So now the question is do we Spend $3,000-$5,000 1-2 more times on an FET cycle or Do we look at adoption $15,000-25,000. I had a melt down twice this last weekend.. One someone was making fun of how skinny I had become.. because Yes I did that on purpose.. I'd much rather be fat and pregnant than skinny and empty. Then another person teased Nick about us still living in Raytown.. Well would you like to pay our Fertility bills..if so I'd gladly move out of Raytown.. but then again.. if living here means I will have a beautiful healthy child I'll do it.
So not sure where we are going on this journey yet.. right now just taking one day at a time and healing my body and Us.
So thankful for the friends and family that visited the hospital brought
yummy food and goodies so I didn't have to eat theirs and to those that
brought us dinner and goodies once we were at home..You all are amazing
and will always have a special place in my heart!
3-20-13
We
went to visit with our pastor, that was SO healing and helpful to Nick
and I. If there is one thing I can honestly say our Marriage has become
so strong and this journey has brought us so close, we have our days
like any other couple, but at the end of the day I can't imagine going
through all we've been through with anyone else. She truly made Nick and
I realize how blessed we are to have each other. Funny I told a friend
the other day I look back at ex's and think they would have never stuck
around or been the man that Nick is. I'm pretty blessed
My
point of this story is to educate those that think you should be able
to just get pregnant like that? I had one person tell me the other day..
well maybe you guys just aren't concentrating on it hard enough?
Really, it took every ounce of me not to smack her!
I had another find out they were having another baby and she was upset because now she had to re-buy everything because this one was a surprise and their youngest was 6 and they thought they were done at two and as she's telling me this, I can feel myself getting red!
My favorite is when people tell me it will happen soon just be patient... Or I've heard Rumors Nick and I need to quit going out and having fun and concentrate on this only and maybe it will happen?? Really For 1. Infertility doesn't work that way Sorry! For 2. Who are you to judge Nick and I's life and what we do. Having fun is what keeps my mind off of it!
So bottom line if you know someone that is going through infertility, please be very very careful with your words. Infertility is a very expensive, heart wrenching Journey, I know that the end result will all be worth it, but getting there no one will ever understand unless you've been through it yourself.
I also am telling this story, so you are hearing it from the Horse's mouth, no rumors nothing, sorry it was such a long story.
---
Angie~
"Trust the Lord with all your heart and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him, and He will make your paths straight." Proverbs 3:5-6
I had another find out they were having another baby and she was upset because now she had to re-buy everything because this one was a surprise and their youngest was 6 and they thought they were done at two and as she's telling me this, I can feel myself getting red!
My favorite is when people tell me it will happen soon just be patient... Or I've heard Rumors Nick and I need to quit going out and having fun and concentrate on this only and maybe it will happen?? Really For 1. Infertility doesn't work that way Sorry! For 2. Who are you to judge Nick and I's life and what we do. Having fun is what keeps my mind off of it!
So bottom line if you know someone that is going through infertility, please be very very careful with your words. Infertility is a very expensive, heart wrenching Journey, I know that the end result will all be worth it, but getting there no one will ever understand unless you've been through it yourself.
I also am telling this story, so you are hearing it from the Horse's mouth, no rumors nothing, sorry it was such a long story.
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Angie~
"Trust the Lord with all your heart and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him, and He will make your paths straight." Proverbs 3:5-6
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